Elf On Shelf And Mensch On A Bench Take On Newsmakers

Peppermint Cocobee and Moshe Toystein (an Elf on the Shelf Santa Scout and Mensch on a Bench Value Keeper respectively) reinvented their holiday roles this season.

 

Traditionally families adopted Scout Elves to ensure that Santa received daily reports regarding their behavior. The data confirmed naughty and/or nice performance and qualified individuals for either one of St. Nick’s lists.

 

 

Likewise Mensch adoptees monitored family values. However, Mensches, at a higher echelon, had the authority to withhold Hanukkah presents if substandard morals were evident.

 

Earlier this year Peppermint’s and Moshe’s paths crossed at the annual Nonsecular Ethics Conference. Both forward thinkers, their discussions focused on evolving roles of behavior monitors. Troubling current events validated their concern that those who really need monitoring don’t adopt Elves on the Shelves or Mensches on the Benches.

Ms. Cocobee and Mr. Toystein proposed to the Nonsecular Ethics Committee that a pilot program in which Elves on the Shelves and Mensches on Benches adopted individuals to monitor, rather than vise versa, be implemented.

The NEC agreed to a trial period. Below is a summary of Peppermint’s and Moshe’s findings.

Matt Lauer and Sexual Harassment

Ms. Cocobee selected Mr. Lauer as her first subject. The unemployed former “Today Show” host’s atonement statement persuaded Peppermint to include him in the trial program. While monitoring his behavior, she observed Mr. Lauer installing a button beneath his home office desk. The button’s function soon became clear. Matt had replicated the “privacy lock” button from his NBC office. Through her use of magic flying skills, Peppermint narrowly escaped his grasp.

 

When Ms. Cocobee reported Mr. Lauer’s naughty behavior to Santa, Mr. Lauer denied it. He depicted “Minty” as a “party girl” and that “Whore on the Door” was a more fitting title than “Elf on the Shelf.”

 

 

Santa assured Peppermint that he believed her and that Mr. Lauer would receive coal this Christmas. Santa hoped she would proceed with the trial program in spite of this setback.

After tweeting #MeToo, Ms. Cocobee continued her quest.

 

 

 

Ajit Pai and Killing Net Neutrality

Ajit Pai, Federal Communications Commission Chairman, qualified for Mensch monitoring due to Pai’s support of killing net neutrality. Moshe Toystein believed in a free and open Internet. It encouraged creativity and exchange of ideas and held accountable powerful people and institutions. Without net neutrality large Internet service providers will control what the public sees and does on the WEB (in other words censorship).

---

Mr. Toystein strove to influence Mr. Pai’s values so that he would allow net neutrality to continue. In spite of Moshe’s efforts the FCC repealed the net neutrality rules on December 14^th.

The Nonsecular Ethics Committee pointed out to the disheartened Mensch that he was one against four. AT&T, Verizon, Comcast and the National Cable and Telecommunications Association spent $572 million on attempts to influence the FCC and other government agencies to kill net neutrality since 2008.

 

After a brief rest during which he surfed the WEB freely, Moshe Toystein continued his values monitoring.

Congress And Tax Reform

Peppermint and Moshe joined forces in monitoring and influencing Congress and their actions regarding the Tax Reform.

Ms. Cocobee implored legislators to amend the proposed reform so that all Americans benefited from the changes. In its current state the tax bill will favor corporations and millionaires. Those earning less and Medicare recipients would not fare well by the new laws.

Mr. Toystein pleaded for the statesmen to follow Mensch’s Rule 7 “Spread the Love” “. . . don’t open gifts for yourself. Instead, buy and give gifts to others who are in need.”

Members of Congress accused the Elf and Mensch of hypocrisy. They both worked for corporations that earned millions. The Mensch on the Bench Company surpassed $1 million in sales and Elf on the Shelf Company clocked in with ten times that. Legislators suspected that Peppermint’s and Moshe’s altruism provided a smokescreen for their corporations’ greed.

After providing evidence of their minimum wage earnings, Ms. Cocobee and Mr. Toystein abandoned their pursuit of a truly fair tax reform by the urgings of their employers.

Robert Mueller And The Russia Investigation

Peppermint and Moshe teamed for Robert Mueller monitoring responsibilities. They felt the importance of the Russia investigation required the guidance of two good-hearted souls. After reviewing Robert Mueller’s behavior and the charges against Michael Flynn, Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, and George Papadopoulos, they felt that Robert had self-monitored well.

Peppermint reported to Santa that the nice Mr. Mueller has helped identify the Naughty!

 

Currently, Ms. Cocobee and Mr. Toystein are stationed in the Oval Office. Their hope is to sway President Trump from naughty to nice leanings.

Then maybe a “Trickle Down Morality” will be in place for the New Year!