Don the trousers with “give” in the waist, ditch the fitted sheath, or go all out and wear sweat pants. It’s your duty as an appreciative daughter or son (fill in family member status here), food lover, and global citizen to overeat on Thanksgiving Day.
If an eye rolling dinner guest does just that when asked to pass the garlic mashed potatoes and buttermilk biscuits your way for a fourth time, use these excuses for diving head first into the gravy bowl.
Excuse One: I Love The Cook! I’m Dieting Tomorrow!
Your _______________(fill in family member’s or friend’s name here) spent hours elbowing a path through crowded grocery store aisles to secure the best turkey be it organic, tofu, or a bargain baster. Then casseroled green beans, brussel sprouts, and sweet corn with companionable onion rings, prosciutto, and roasted peppers. The pumpkin pie, chocolate torte, and apple oatie cookies kept the baker up after Jimmy Kimmel signed off. Then the cook rose early or pulled an all nighter to roast, fry, or smoke the showstopper. Love basted the bird and rolled out the piecrust. Devouring heaping dinner plates accepts the affection.
Therapists discourage the practice of overeating to please the cook, but in most cases they aren’t the ones cooking for you. Your _____________ (fill in family member’s or friend’s name here) don’t care what the therapists believe. The cook wants you to EAT and EAT LOTS.
Excuse Two: I’m Averting Culinary Disasters and Organizational Chaos!
The more Thanksgiving dinner eaten the day of, the less that is left over the days after. This limits the use of “creative” recipes. After the tenth turkey sandwich the cook may be tempted to make Turkey Ramen, Turkey Sushi, or Turkey Cake, and then serve it to YOU. (I know these recipes are true, because I read it on the Internet!)
Worse yet, the leftovers may be divvied into plaster containers and frozen. This creates TWO problems. First, the containers with MATCHING lids need to be found. (See post “When The World Is Spinning Out Of Control, It’s Time To Organize Food Storage Containers!”)
Then, the freezer needs to be rearranged to accommodate the additional containers.
Excuse Three: I’m Thinking Of Those Starving Children I Heard About As A Child When I didn’t Want To Eat Kiszka! Do You Have Your Checkbook?
The “Eat your kiszka . There are starving children in Africa” reasoning my parents countered when I refused Polish Blood Sausage contained faulty logic. At five I couldn’t make the connection between eating the hated sausage and someone hungry in Africa. Did it follow that the more I ate, the less hungry someone else became? I suspected an incorrect premise, but couldn’t put my finger on it. Asking for the location of Africa didn’t help my situation. The expectation of eating kiszka held. For the sake of my counterparts in distant Africa I ate kiszka.
Fortunately kiszka will be a no show at the Thanksgiving Day feast.
Unfortunately hunger prevails.
Ask your friends and family to donate to one of the top hunger fighting charities.
Hit them up right after dessert. The food coma will have set in, and they’ll be more likely to reach for their wallets.
Happy Thanksgiving and indulge!