Everyday Epiphany, Exercise, humor

Little Adventure In The Shelter In Place Zone: Loophole In The Resistance Loops

“I’m looking for loopholes.” W.C. Fields

Fields quipped the above to his attending nurse while on his deathbed. She had found the irreverent and professed atheist comedian reading the Bible.

I’m on a yoga mat, not a deathbed, but I found a loophole while using my resistance loops. 

Resistance bands and resistance loops differ in that the resistance bands have the potential to randomly release from the door jamb and knock out your teeth. Whereas it’s possible with the resistance loops to trip while following the pregnant (8 months along) instructor on YouTube and knock out your teeth.

I purchased both sets of exercise equipment to build muscle and unbuild my muffin top. After a month of resistance banding and looping, I scored one for the muscle building (My muscles ached post workout so that HAD to mean something!) and zero for the muffin top. (I still wear loose tops.)

In MY defense my bands are wider and therefore more resistant than the flimsy stretchy ones the pregnant instructor used. In her defense she’s 8 months pregnant and can fit into leggings. (At 8 months pregnant I didn’t fit in my shoes.)

Discouraged at being outdone by a prego, I chose a different YouTube video. I forget the title but “simple” or “easy” or “beginning” modified the noun “exercises” and the instructor wasn’t pregnant. . . but she was bossy.

“Engage core,” slightly bend the knees,” “breathe in,” “breathe out,” and “stay light on your feet,” she ordered.

I’m engaging and bending and breathing and staying light on my feet while positioning the bands here and there and coaxing my muscles to build and my muffin top to unbuild. 

That was ONE set!

Then she says, “Let’s take a break and do jumping jacks!”

I don’t know how she figured jumping jacks constituted a break, but I jumped. Then I did it all over again . . . three times!

After that workout I checked my waist and it still muffined out. I know it will take time to reach my goal, but I found a loophole. A loophole in HOW to use the resistance loops to rid myself of my muffin top. I slipped them around my waist and voila- the muffin is gone!

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