Hold on a minute (or an hour)!

Everyday Epiphany: It all comes around.

I mustered up the fortitude to place the call. Delaying the confrontation only increased my anxiety. Little did I know by the end of the conversation, karma would intervene. I didn’t get what I wanted, but got something better – payback!

After hydrating, stretching, and meditating in preparation, I murmured my “I am powerful” affirmation and punched the Xfinity phone number.  

A recent conversation with Louis, the door-to-door ATT salesperson, regarding my Xfinity cable costs and reluctance to bundle (See https://afewchoicewordsbyanita.com/2024/07/23/not-so-bad-choices/), prompted me to contact Xfinity regarding my monthly cost. Word on the street claimed that inquiring about current deals resulted in substantial savings. There HAD to be a plan, priced less than the $6.98 bazillion I currently paid, for a long-term customer.

The phone interaction went something like this:

Automated Response: “If you have a question about billing select #1. If you need help accessing your online account select #2. If you (blah, blah, blah, insert anything in here that does not offer the option of speaking to a human.)

Me: (Choosing option #342 or #343 I forget which.)

Automated Response: “In a few words explain why you are calling.”

Me: “I’m inquiring why I’m paying so much for my service. Louis from ATT said I’m overpaying.”

Automated Response: “A link has been sent to your email to help resolve the problem.”

Me: (Taking deep cleansing breaths in the downward dog position) “I am powerful.”

The Xfinity email offered a multitude of links (I believe there were 342 or 343 of them.) none of them titled “How to Pay Less for the Same Services You Are Receiving” or “How to Connect with a Xfinity Human.” Somehow, I stumbled onto a chat link that appeared to have a human responder. I repeated my request for a reduced monthly plan. He then forwarded the same 342 links. (It may have been 343, I forget.) At that time, I requested and received a phone number of a live human who spoke words aloud. 

The conversation went something like this:

Live Human Who Spoke Words Aloud: “I have an exciting offer!”

Me: “I would like to speak to a representative who can help reduce my monthly plan.”

Live Human Who Spoke Words Aloud: “For an extra $99 to offset the (blah, blah, blah) charge you will lower your monthly bill by $0.22 averaged over the year.”

Me: “Paying $99 more is the opposite of what I want. Could I speak to the customer service person who can discuss this?”

Live Human Who Spoke Words Aloud: “You’re connected to the wrong department.”

Me: “Then connect me to the right department.”

Live Human Who Spoke Words Aloud: (After repeating the offer of the $99 increase which is somehow a decrease) “What’s your credit card number?”

Me: “I’m struggling to be polite.”

Live Human Who Spoke Words Aloud: (She wasn’t even trying to be polite.) “What’s your credit card number?”

I hung up and prepared for round two. I breathed deeply, stretched my shoulders, and focused on the scrawled “I am powerful” sticky note.

After dialing the Xfinity phone number for the second time, I listened carefully for an option that might elicit a human response. I think it was the “Select #264 if you threaten to cancel your subscription and post a TikTok video ridiculing our automated answering program” that connected me to Joe.

The conversation went something like this:

Joe: “Xfinity has an upgraded (insert something techy here). For only $1 bazillion more a month you will receive enhanced viewing. 

Me: “My purpose in calling is to decrease my bill, not to increase it.

Joe: (After several more failed sales strategies) “I can offer you the same programming for $21 less a month. The plan you have is outdated.”

Me: “Louis from ATT said he could do better than that.”

Joe: “You do not want to switch to ATT. I used to work for them. They’ll jack up your prices soon after you switch. Let me . . .”

Just then my doorbell rang and interrupted our conversation. The washer repair man stood on my doorstep.

After traversing the automated answering system, bypassing an assistant chat, enduring the pushy sales woman in the wrong department, and finally getting a live person on the phone, I took pleasure in telling Joe “I’m putting you on hold” and answered the door.

Joe held as I escorted the repairman to the ailing washer. A few minutes later, I explained to Joe that the $21 less a month plan was a good start, but I wanted to talk to ATT first. I’d make my mind up tomorrow. Could he call me? 

He agreed to call me at 9 am. 

I figured by then I could set up an automated system of my own, because I AM powerful!

Check out my book, OPERATION HOPPER.