Everyday Epiphany, humor

Halloween Candy Hypothesis

A pint sized pirate and princess sprinted down the street, clutching their Halloween loot and waving dollar bills above their heads.

“The Dad ate ALL the candy!” seven year old Jack the pirate explained.

“The Mom went to the store to buy more!” six year old Beth the princess expounded.

“So the Dad gave us MONEY instead!” the pirate concluded.

Then the trick or treaters hustled to the next house hoping a similar scenario unfolded. 

Beth’s mom, Betsy, and I drank our beers and trailed our youngsters as we supervised from a responsible distance. (At least beer drinking Halloween supervision from a distance was considered responsible 25 years ago. I’m not sure what the parameters are today.)

Twenty-five years later as I watched our Halloween candy bowl diminish daily, I wondered if Halloween candy and dads eating it was universal. I developed a hypothesis. 

Dads will eat a substantial portion of the Halloween candy before the trick or treaters even though instructed that the candy was designated for aforementioned subjects and shouldn’t be consumed until November 1.

Since I had a resident dad (Mike) I tested my hypothesis.

A photographic sequence depicts my experiment as it progressed:

The unopened bag is surrounded by remnants of the previous bag.

Mike commented, “I never had Skittles before. They’re pretty good.”

Mike, a chocolate lover, had resisted opening the bag so far even though his favorite candy bar, Kit Kat, was visible through the plastic bag and advertised on the label. 

So far my hypothesis wasn’t supported.

The candy remnants from the previous bag have been consumed making the unopened bag more appealing. Will Mike open the bag?

The consumption of the candy remnants supported my theory.

I added a variable to the experiment. Although adding a variable at this point in the experiment was not keeping with scientific procedure, I cleaned out my freezer and found the partial box of Mint Meltaways. Would added chocolate encourage Mike to open the bag?

One mint down, the Mint Meltaways might have deterred Mike from opening the bag. Although Mike LIKES mint meltaways, he LOVES Kit Kat. 

My hypothesis is proven true! I nodded off on Halloween evening and when I stirred Mike claimed a large group of trick or treaters arrived at our door step and he opened the bag of candy. A quick glance at the front walk revealed NO footprints in the snow and I KNEW that the dad ate the candy.

I hope Mike doesn’t perform a similar experiment on me with Oscar Mayer Liver Sausage. I don’t think I could resist it!

4 thoughts on “Halloween Candy Hypothesis”

  1. Oscar Meyer liver sausage is my fave!!!
    Oh, the dad here always eats all the candy saying “I didn’t know it was for Halloween .”


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