humor

Ho, Ho, Ho-rrible Santas!

Maintaining a positive image is an ongoing struggle for Santa.

Breaking and entering through mystical powers, obtaining data concerning personal behavior through undisclosed sources, and consuming an unhealthy diet despite obesity issues threaten to mottle his reputation.

As a Christmas celebrator and St. Nick fan I’m doing my part in helping Father Christmas maintain a positive image by NOT displaying these Santa items in my home. (The featured decorations are available online.) I’m calling upon all 84 followers (I’ve included the guy from “Pond Coating” who I think signed up by mistake.) to do the same.

 

Grouchy Santa

 

Grouchy Santa

 

The daunting goal of spreading joy worldwide takes a toll. Inevitably, snags with elf labor laws, reindeer training, and toy testing occasionally turn Santa’s smile upside down. The “ho, ho, ho’s” plummet to “no, no, oh, no’s” and grouchiness sets in.

It happens to me! I don’t want to see my grimace on Facebook.

Do NOT display Santa in a foul mood!

Butt Santa

 

Santa Butt

 

With gift delivery, Kris Kringle  unavoidably must bend over to place presents under Christmas trees. With his weight problem (which is NO jolly matter) Santa’s prominent backside is presented. He KNOWS he should diet. A representation of his worst feature will only humiliate him and cause others to question his credibility as a constructive influence.

I get it – bending over to tie a shoe, pick up a scrap, or to prove that “yes, I CAN touch my toes” doesn’t reveal my best side either.

Do NOT exhibit a Santa butt!

Farting Santa

 

Farting Santa

 

As a worldwide traveler, Santa is exposed to exotic culinary experiences. Foreign cuisines upset digestion resulting in flatulence. A reenactment of such an embarrassing incident presents St. Nick in a negative manner.

I understand completely! My intolerance of dairy causes awkward situations that I’d rather not discuss.

Do NOT demonstrate Santa’s intestinal output.

 

By refraining from these negative images you’ll help Santa put his best booted foot forward!

 

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