humor, Nonsense Chronicles

The Nonsense Chronicles: Jabbering Junk

While pouring a predawn coffee after a restless night, I heard a muffled cry for help. Peering out my kitchen window I saw no sign of disturbance.

Upon turning, I found the sign of alarm came from within the kitchen itself, more specifically the junk drawer.

It may have been the magic of early morning, lack of sleep, or a decaffeinated brain, but the junk jabbered to me. Following is my best recollection of events. Trust that it is all TRUE, because you DID read it on the Internet.

Masking Tape spoke first, ” You HAVE to clean our drawer. It’s overcrowded. It’s inhumane.”

“You’re going Marie Kondo on me this early?” I said, “It hasn’t been THAT long since I cleaned the drawer.”

“It’s been two years,” Box Tops protested. “We expired in 2017!”

“Longer than that,” added cabinet guard. “Jack is 33 years old. The cabinets haven’t needed guarding from toddlers in 30 years!”

“It’s too early to clean! If you waited 30 years, you can wait until I finish my coffee.” Then they appealed to my frugal side.

“If you would have cleaned the drawer out, you would have found the microwave touch up paint and not bought a second one,” QB Products admonished.

“Or a second and third glue stick,” added Stic.

“If you’re so smart why don’t you organize yourself?” I had had enough of bossy junk.

“We tried,” said Rulers, “and it comes naturally to us since we ARE rulers.”

“I tried, too,” said Golf Rule book, “but no one would listen except Scissors.”

“I set an example for the little ones,” said Scissors with pride. “I don’t snip at anyone either.”

“What DO you want to do?” I said relenting to their pleas.

“We just want to play,” said Ping Pong Balls.

“We want adventure,” said Kayak Whistles and Bike Bell.

“I’m tired of playing Hide-and-Seek,” said Garage Door Opener. “It took FOREVER for you to find me!”

“I just want to hang around, with some framed photos,” said Picture Hanger.

“We have an idea,” said Scrapers 1 & 2. “Why don’t you put one of us in your car? That’s where you use us to remove the city sticker.”

“While you’re in the garage stick me back on your car,” said Letter. “I’m either the ‘U’ or ‘C’ in ‘Acura’.”

“At least you know you’re a letter, Letter,” said Miscellaneous Group. “We don’t have ANY idea what WE are.”

I assured them that they would be identified and needed the minute I threw them away. Then I’d have to fish them out of the trash.

I sorted and cleaned and organized to everyone’s satisfaction. When I settled to finish my coffee I heard a rumbling coming from the refrigerator. Thinking it might be motor problems, I shuffled over to investigate.I should have finished my coffee first.

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