Cooking, Everyday Epiphany, humor, Nonsense Chronicles

The Nonsense Chronicles: Small Appliance Small Talk

The George Foreman grill and waffle machine wedged between the two crock-pots while the gelato machine propped up the Valentine plates. The air fryer, vacuum food saver, and sous vide huddled on the floor. Crystal serving dishes stacked precariously. The spiralizer balanced atop the heap. 

All awaited the purge. 

My zeal for organization, recently fueled by tidy titan, Marie Kondo’s Netflix series  “Tidy Up” drove me to clean and organize the hall closet that housed small appliances. Employing the Kondo method I evicted all and relocated the diverse devises to a central location for evaluation.

With my best Kondo foot forward I would ask myself if they sparked joy. The answer determined whether the closet contents would be thanked for their service and launched on a new journey elsewhere or kept to bring me joy another day. 

I didn’t answer the question. The appliances did.

Eavesdropping

With my back to Appliance Mountain, I scrubbed the closet shelves. From behind, a yammering hubbub stewed. A cacophony of tinny whispers, steamy bellows, and heated mutterings debated concerns about the appliance refugees’ fates. Although I couldn’t SEE the communicators, I clearly HEARD them.  Since my back was to the hullaballoo, I determined speaker through context, timbre, and location. I lingered over my cleaning task hoping not to give away my eavesdropping. 

Following is a summary of my spying. Although seemingly farfetched, this encounter is true. It’s on the Internet. What more proof do you need?

Travel Mug Flattery and Martini Glass’ Retort

The travel mugs initiated the discussion. Declarations of their joy giving status abounded. 

“I spark joy!” exclaimed one travel mug. “What’s more joyful than hot coffee in the morning.

“Yes, but there are FOUR of us! I’m the only one who sparks joy, sparkles, and sucks up while she’s sipping,” said Silver. “No launching for me!”

An oversized cocktail glass boisterously countered.

“Coffee, smoffee,” hooted Martini. “Fill me with chocolate or vodka, a win-win joy sparker! I’m a keeper.”

Gelato’s Reputation

 “Mike’s double chocolate Italian dessert with toasted almonds! Enough said,” coolly replied Gelato in a “Godfather” Marlon Brandoesque growl.  

Waffle Iron and George Foreman Grill Challenge

“If only one of us can stay, it’ll be me,” said Waffle Iron in a nonwaffling manner. “I can grill cheese sandwiches AND cook waffles.”

“We’ll see who stays,” warned George. “Let’s go a few rounds!”

Valentine Dishes’, Crock-Pots’ and Sous Vide’s Timing

“We’ll be staying!” chorused Big and Little Crock-pots. “We’re convenient. Don’t need tending.”

“Maybe you’re needed on Throw Back Thursdays!” bubbled Sous Vide. “I’m the hot item now!”


“It’s almost February! I’ll be staying!” chimed the Charming Heart.

Spiralizer Speaks

I know I’M staying!” shouted Spiralizer from the back room. “Mike hid me in his office. He’s on the Keto Diet and discovered zoodles.

Not All Hot Air Fryer

“I don’t get it,” admitted Hot Air Fryer. “We all fit in the closet before. Why can’t we all fit back now?”

Amused and enlightened by their claims, I found that each sparked joy. A rearrangement allowed return of all appliances and serving dishes to the hallway closet. 

Marie Kondo encouraged carrying on a dialogue with your home while tidying. I didn’t realize that the home did most of the talking.

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