Cooking, humor

How Not to Win $500,000 for Creating a New Flavored Oreo

How tough is it?

What do I have to lose?

I ask myself these two questions whenever I contemplate a new venture, weigh my responses, and decide. Most of the time these queries serve me well. The trick is predicting the correct outcome.

When I explored free Orvis fly-fishing classes my responses of “not too tough” and “three afternoons” proved to be true. I now own two rods, a variety of hairy flies, and a creel. Chalk one up in the win column.

Although I answered the questions in a likewise manner before registering for the Motorcycle Training Course my predicted results were dead wrong. “Tougher than it looks” and “my pride” were the correct answers. (It turns out that motorcyclists simultaneously use all four appendages to execute four different actions – a feat that required more coordination than I could muster. Instructors wisely ejected me from class before I crashed.)

When I read USA Today’s headline

Screen Shot 2017-05-23 at 8.42.44 AM

The questions followed suit.

How tough is creating a new Oreo flavor?

Couldn’t be that tough! Firework, a chocolate Oreo with Pop Rocks mixed in the stuffing, debuted recently. Mixing candy with filling? Piece of cake.

What do I have to lose?

I estimated a sawbuck and 90 minutes.

While munching on a sleeve of Double Stuf and sipping Merlot, a genius idea, a never before thought of idea, baked in my brain. Savory cookies packaged to pair with red and white wines! A whole new market for Nabisco!

I could bank on that half a mil!

I purchased a package of Double Stuf and Golden Double Stuf Oreos (making a note to misspell whatever moniker I developed). The stack of sandwich cookies felt like poker chips in my palm. I unscrewed the Oreos and scraped the “stuf” into two bowls. I chose cayenne to season the filling for the chocolate wafer. The pepper complemented the bold flavored Merlot. Several shakes amped the heat to a kick (not an overwhelm) standing up to the chocolate and wine. One thumb up!

Post 9 Merlot Cookies

Filling for the subtler tasting Golden wafer I laced with poultry seasoning. My reasoning based in the practice of pairing Pinot Grigio with chicken. A half-teaspoon of the milder concoction produced a faint sage flavor. Two thumbs up!

Post 9 Pinot Grigio Cookies

The chocolate cayenne cookie I dubbed Merlocolate and the golden poultry one Pinot Grigioreo.

I daydreamed about my pair of winners capturing first and second prizes! Nabisco would jet me to New York , hire me as a consultant, and maybe name a cookie after me!

I searched the “My Oreo Creation Contest Official Rules” for a submission address, carefully reading the document that I had previously skimmed. The guidelines grounded my jet, fired me, and left me eponymless.

“Submission cannot: (b) promote alcohol, illegal drugs, tobacco, firearms…”

So now whenever I contemplate a new venture I ask myself these three questions before I decide:

How tough is it?

What do I have to lose?

Are there rules?

Sometimes that’s the way the savory cookie crumbles!

7 thoughts on “How Not to Win $500,000 for Creating a New Flavored Oreo”

  1. I would have bought the merlocolate version in a savory heartbeat, Anita. The poultry seasoned version was not quite as appealing, but I’m adventurous. I probably would have tried a sample from the annoying grocery store sample pusher. Nabisco missed the boat with these crummy rules!


      1. Oops! I really need to be careful when leaving comments. Thanks for being good humored about it. You were good humored, right? And don’t get me started on the good humor truck.


  2. I’ve been thinking of flavors and themes but have come up with nothing…I am going to revisit this challenge when I vacation this summer. Who needs $500,000 anyway?


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