humor

Amazon-Kohl Tag Team Or How I Spent More Than Intended

I could have fit both my feet into one of the Cozia Travel Swim Fins recently delivered by Amazon. Wrong size. They had to go back. 

Smart me, I thought, ordering from Amazon with quick delivery and easy return to Kohl’s. Simply request a refund online. Receive a return code. Drop by a conveniently located Kohl’s. There in the back of the store at the service desk with no line I’d plop down the gargantuan swim fins onto the counter.  

Voila, a refund!

This savvy shopper, I thought, didn’t allow the Cozia Travel Swim Fins to languish in an I’ll-return-it-later purgatory until forgotten along with the $33.84 refund. 

This crafty consumer, I thought, was $33.84 closer to her Visa bank statement attaining the targeted monthly $0 balance. 

This brilliant buyer, I thought, knows the $33.84 refund was money in the bank rather than down the drain.

Then the efficient clerk behind the service desk with no line handed me the return confirmation and highlighted the Kohl’s coupon. 

The instant I touched the 25% off coupon, I swear, Allen and Herb Kohl infiltrated my brain and initiated an internal debate with me. I have a hunch that Jeff Bezos egged them on. 

The conversation went something like this:

Allen and Herb Kohl with Jeff Bezos influence: That’s an extra 25% off coupon you have there.

Me: I really don’t need anything.

A&HKWJBI: Aren’t you traveling in a month? 

Me:  A few cotton tops would be cool for the Greece weather. I’ll stop by later.

A&HKWJBI: It expires in seven days. You’re here now. Why waste time and gas coming here again?

Me: I could browse the women’s department. 

A&HKWJBI: Excellent idea! Summer sales are on now.

Me: Looking doesn’t cost anything.

A&HKWJBI: The t-shirts are on sale for $7.99. The 25% coupon brings it down to $5.99. Where else will you find that bargain?

Me: I have one coupon. I’ll buy one shirt. $5.99 is a steal!

A&HKWJBI: Read the fine print.

Me: 25% off is valid for one TRANSACTION. That means I could get two t-shirts! 

A&HKWJBI: Did you see the skimmer and capris? They have the comfort waistbands you like. They’re on sale for $19.99! With the coupon that’s $14.99! They’d go well with the t-shirts.

Me: I could do a capsule wardrobe for the Greece vacation!

A&HKWJBI: Go try them on.

Me: It doesn’t hurt to try them on. Trying them on doesn’t mean I’m going to buy them.

A&HKWJBI: You are such a savvy shopper.

The cashier rang up the three t-shirts and seven skimmers and capris. As she bagged my purchases, I thought of my initial intent as I entered the store. I had thought I would be $33.81 richer. Instead I had forked over $132.45. 

I would NEVER let that happen to me again, I thought. Next time I would IGNORE the 25% discount. I would walk right past the racks of on sale summer items. 

Then the cashier plunked the $20 Kohl’s cash into my hand.

$20 Kohl’s cash, I thought. It would be a waste not to use it. I better hurry though. It expired after July 17!

Then I thought I heard Allen and Herb Kohl snicker accompanied by Jeff Bezos’ applause.

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