humor

Reaching An Inane Goal

A question has tugged at the periphery of my consciousness for several years now. Never addressing the subject directly, it nagged relentlessly. The end of 2018 seemed a fitting time to fully explore an answer. Perhaps satisfying the pesky query would leave me to ponder more serious issues in 2019.

The Question

Is it possible to form a full sentence utilizing names of wines?

The Criteria

An accomplished goal fulfills criteria. My wine sentence had to have a subject and predicate and they must agree.   

Articles and Conjunctions 

A casual survey of the local liquor stores quickly revealed there weren’t any wines named The, An, or A. My sentence would lack articles. Conjunctions as wine names didn’t fair better. Not one label And, Or, or But was to be found in the cabernet section. I may piece together a simple sentence, but it wouldn’t be a compound one.

Nouns

However nouns were well represented.


The Seeker (person), firefly Ridge (place) and Cherry Pie (thing).

The subject part of my sentence would be a snap.

Verbs

Action words presented a challenge. I decided to call in an expert.

When a bartender asked me what I’d like to drink. I casually requested a vintage that included a verb on its label. To his credit he produced a bottle of 


Stags’ Leap

An entire sentence on one bottle!

However, the apostrophe tamped my initial enthusiasm. That lone punctuation mark indicated possession (The leap belonged to the stags.) instead of a full thought  (Stags leaping about.) as required by definition of a sentence.

Other Finds

A prepositional phrase 



If You See Kay

And an onomatopoeia 



Boom! Boom!

Assuaged the scarcity of verbs disappointment.

Answer

A thorough and systematic search of my local grocery store’s liquor department proved that a full grammatically correct sentence may be constructed from wine bottle labels.

Dragon and girl stampede curious beasts.

Kith and kin blindfold tall dark stranger.

I wonder if it’s possible with beer names?


4 thoughts on “Reaching An Inane Goal”

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